Here comes the bride

OK so with several of my friends [real ones and just facebook] making the plunge, the plunge into marriage that is, I have really enjoyed looking at people's engagement and wedding photos on their various photographers trendy blogs / websites. Some I have seen have been uber cheesy, just because no one actually goes hand in hand skipping through the park. Others have been sweet and I guess romantic, although I usually laugh to myself when I think about the groom-to-be having to pose and probably thinking that being run over by a mac-truck is better than this current photo shoot.

Here are some hilarious photos from an article I found on www.huffingtonpost.com , featuring photos from www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Images via

Work It OUT

While reading www.abovethelaw.com , [for non-legal minds it is the perez hilton or people.com for nerdy lawyers/law schoolers] I came across an article that at the on-set maybe should have offended me but I surprisingly found it to be true. Apparently Cardozo Law is now trying to promote health & fitness for young budding women attorneys. [Note to Campbell- Stop serving Papa Johns @ every school meeting]. I do not mean to offend anyone but I think appearance [I say that loosely] can carry you a long way, with just a few added steps. Here is the entire article if you want to check it out Law School Group Urges Female Students to Get in Shape

** Note - this is next portion is not to be construed as any sort of self-centered, pompous, omniscient, I am better than you post. It is merely some observations that I have personally made in law school/courtroom/my short legal work experience, that I think would go a long way when you walk out the door from an interview to avoid the managing partner and/or office manager [if you are in public sector] and 2 associates cackling at you. IT DOES HAPPEN.

1. Girls should avoid uber unnatural hair colors
What do I mean by this? I admit my roots are about 2 months overdue on highlights. However my hair also does not look like a Kiebler Fudge Shoppe Cookie and my eyebrows somewhat resemble what my natural hair color is. Any color that resembles a Kool Aid flavor should also be steered clear of. Additionally, large and chunky highlights should be avoided as they look like my 4 year old nephew colored your hair. As a rule of thumb : "If you cannot get a good dye job, do not get a dye job at all." [and yes there are good do it your-self dye jobs]

2. Girls should avoid uber-long hair cuts.
I do not know about the rest of the world but there is such a thing as too much hair. I know some people are blessed with thick hair, but when it gets past a certain point on your back, i.e. the middle, it. has. got. to. go. If you are like me, than too much hair can be just gross.

3. Girls should avoid wearing any colored suit that does not fall into the triple B's.
What do I mean? Triple B's = Blue, Black, Brown. Grey and/or charcoal are also appropriate colors. Nothing annoys me more than a red suit. I want to scream at you, What were you thinking?? Red suits draw unnecessary attention. I also believe that white suits are not appropriate for a courtroom. I know that all may not agree with that, but they just are not. Trust me, I have heard those words from a judge's mouth before. Additional cringing colors I have come into contact with include but are not limited to: pewter, mint green, electric blue, pink [gross], anything in pastel, etc.

4. Girls should avoid white/sheer panty hose.
I just gagged a little thinking about those. If you are not naturally olive toned or you are starting to look like Casper, than do not, I repeat DO NOT wear white or sheer panty hose. Oh they look terrible. Instead opt for jet black, black opaque, or more of a tan opaque. Harris Teeter sells them in the shampoo aisle.


I'll say this once again- I do not mean for any of these points to offend anyone. These are just some general observations I have made along the way based on my own tastes, the real life opinions of other attorneys and judges, and members of the public. Because trust me, people will think about this.

Crazy girls are real

I am excited to feature this week an actual true life girl [not off of The Bachelor] who might make me as physically uncomfortable by their awkwardness that it leaves me wanting a glass of vino at 7:25 am. Here is an email exchange between a gentleman friend of mine and girl he went out casually with in the fall, who ran into each other while out for a mutual friend's birthday this past weekend.  Things were cordial, even decided to share breakfast together next morning [no not from shacking the night before] where she decided to invite him to her going away party.  Let me remind you that I said they dated casually, meaning when he realized he "just was not that into her" he promptly ended things.  This is a good thing people.

* Note all names, places, and proper nouns have been changed and my commentary is in purple

On Sun, Feb 13, 2011 at 10:42 PM, Crazy Girl <crazygirl123@gmail.com> wrote:

John Doe,

So I just spent the best day out in nature. Kristina and I hiked to the green narrows, which if you are ever trying to impress someone with your outdoor skills it is an awesome hike. We have this wonderful dynamic where I can talk to her about anything or we can walk in silence. The silence offered a great place to sort my thoughts today. ----> Now I do not know this girl personally, however this line just seems awkward and causes me to have visions of her sitting around holding hands and singing kum-ba-ya

I was confused first by your appearance on Friday and then by your sudden availability on Saturday. I was also confused by my reaction to you. To some extent I never had any closure form you and could feel the questions boiling up inside of me yesterday at breakfast. Instead I choose to value our time and think of it as a goodbye, leaving things on good terms. The 25th is about saying goodbye to the people I have met in Charlotte who mean something to me. At one point in time this would have included you but I am not entirely sure it does any more.While I commend her for this line, I cannot give her full credit because of the bigger picture of this short novel. I feel like I have nothing more to say to you. I really made peace with the fact that I was never going to see you again so your appearance on Friday and Saturday was confusing. I don't understand the motivation for your need to say goodbye. Three months have passed without any communication so why now? What place is this coming from? Didn't you already close that door in October with the line we would be civil if we saw each other out? Rhetorical questions

John Doe, later on this fall I began to develop more than just casual feelings for you which I realized the same weekend you came to the realization you didn't want me. I caught glimpses of this great person but I also saw one who was to some extent lost. I know where I am and what I want in life. I don't want to spend my last two weeks in Charlotte thinking about you and reopening those feelings. So unless you have had some huge epiphany with respect to me, which I would want you to talk to me about, then I am going to ask you to stay away. These last two weeks are about celebrating the relationships I have made and how they have continued to grow throughout my time here. And to be frank you don't fit into that category anymore.

I got lost for a brief moment in the way you can make me feel and for that I am sorry, but I am not that girl anymore. All the best in the game of life, I really hope you find exactly what it is you are searching for.

Crazy Girl

On Mon, Feb 14, 2011 at 9:55 AM, John Doe <Johndoe@gmail.com wrote:
I understand.  Enjoy the next two weeks and safe travels.
John Doe

On Mon, Feb 14, 2011 at 11:04 AM, Crazy Girl Crazygirl123@gmail.com wrote:
Thanks for understanding. I just don't see the point of being friends for two weeks when we both know once I leave we wont talk.

Now I will admit that maybe he should not have gone to breakfast with her, b/c girls can interpret things differently and well imagine things in their little heads like "He is so into me now" or "He saw me and realized what he was missing", etc. MOST of the time guys just dont think that. This girl probably thought such a thing and when he left her with nothing more than a friendly meal, she freaked out and then wrote her aforementioned novel.

Just when I thought this girl could not get any more desperate I was printed with a chain of emails from today. After reading this mild series of short stories, authored by Crazy Girl, I was left wanting a box of Franzia.  take a look.

On Tue, Feb 15, 2011 at 10:54 AM, Crazy Girl  Crazygirl123@gmail.com wrote:
I have dinner with the girls but drinks after?

SERIOUSLY WTF? a mere 48 hours ago she was inviting him to a party, and then 24 hours ago she was disinviting him to a party.

His Response:

On Tue, Feb 15, 2011 at 11:47 AM, John Doe <Johndoe@gmail.com> wrote:
Hey,
I have to work tonight.  No can do.
Sorry.

Ok so good job here- if this does not scream I am just not that into you I am not sure what does. It was short. It was sweet. It was to the point. There was no open ended questions left looming. There was no invitation to reply. No worries crazy girl did.

On Tue, Feb 15, 2011 at 12:30 PM, Crazy Girl <crazygirl123@gmail.com> wrote:
Can I book you for half an hour after, as you only work until 10ish? I am willing to meet you where ever is easiest for you. I understand you may be tired but you choose to enter back into my life two weeks before I leave, on the day you find out I am leaving no less. I have questions and I think you owe me the answers.

Once again WTF? "Can I book you for a half and hour?" Are you kidding me, you are screaming I am desperate.  "I am willing to meet you whereever" ay ay ya. I would like to address that this guy is really not a jack ass [if you might be thinking that]. I particularly like the part where she states he "chose to re-enter her life." I hate to break it to you sweetheart but I hardly call running into someone at a mutual friend's birthday party and a bar much less, re-entering your life.

His response.

On Tue, Feb 15, 2011 at 1:00 PM, John Doe <johndoe@gmail.com> wrote:

Crazy Girl , I am sorry, but there is no guarantee that i'll be off at 10, it may be closer to 11 or later and am frankly exhausted when I get off work. 
I did not mean to reenter your life right before you left but ran into you at a bar and was friendly.  It was good to see you and catch up with someone i was close with.  Burn no bridges I guess.  The next day, you asked me to breakfast and invited me to the going away party.  Breakfast was 3 blocks from my house and the party sounded fun.  Its probably best for everyone if we just avoid one another for the next two weeks as you previously mentioned.  Again, I wish you all the best in Vancouver and a happy and fun last two weeks in Charlotte.

Ok so maybe some might see this as harsh- but when is she going to see the light, wake up and smell the coffee, etc. Once again he was frank, to the point, and left no openendedness. It was direct [goodness knows this girl needs direction]. Wait for Wait for it. yep she responded. Ooooyyeee.

Date: Tue, Feb 15, 2011 at 3:20 PM
Subject: Re: drinks tonight?
Crazy Girl <crazygirl123@gmail.com> wrote:
I don't know how to respond to that, John Doe, and I don't really want to explain myself via email either. I just wanted to talk this out with you and leave it as you say " with no bridges burned", as I wasn't the only one questioning your motivation and signals. I still think you are a cool dude and hope you look me up if you are ever on the west coast. If you want to stop by on the 25th you are more than welcome. There will be irish car bomb cupcakes if hanging out with a bunch of cool people isn't already motivation enough. If you don't I completely understand. I wish you all the best in the future and please say hi to Kevin for me, although he must think I am crazy with your version of this being relayed to him.

So after her invitation, uninvitation, there is invitation again. Well look there. Infact she even attempts to entice him with carbomb flavored cupcakes?? Is this for real. Once again any enticement to get a guy to hang out with you is yet another sign of despartion. A guy should not need to be enticed to want to hang out with you.  I have advised said genetleman friend to in shape or form reply to this chick. She clearly has well issues, but issues with having the last word. Sometimes girls its ok to let them just have the last word.

Let me also disclaim that I am not intending to put girls down, but I just could not help point out all of the physical discomfort that came in this email. Now that I have written more for this blog post and than I have for class today I better turn my focus back to things that matter. No worries I guess though, I can always use this for the self help book I write when this whole law school thing does not work out.

Rabid teenagers

Has anyone else stumbled across this show on MTV?

This show seems like it is just a hair shy of pornography--- and it is coming on cable television.

In all fairness I have only been able to stomach about 37 minutes of the first episode because of the physical discomfort of watching these underage kids engage in drugs sex and rock and roll.  The way these kids were acting were way worse than any rabid college student on a  Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night in Fosters looking for their next take down before closing time. I just think I would like to ask MTV producers what they were hoping to accomplish with this television show? New contestents on Teen Mom, 16 & Pregnant, True Life I am 16 and have herpes?

Additionally I am sure all of you have at some point watched Teen Mom and or 16 & Pregnant.   I realize I can be a cynic. However once again I would like to ask MTV what they were hoping to accomplish by producing this show. I know you are saying likely, well to show that you can be a teen and a mom. My point exactly, MTV is basically saying, please don't use a contraceptive, get knocked up and then you will get a TV show. I am in no way preaching abstinence, just common sense.



Please dont do this

I have come to the realization that web camera/cell phone/normal camera self portraits flat out make me uncomfortable, especially when they arrive in the form of a profile picture on Facebook. Such examples include:

Unattractive Arm Band Tat guy

Dark Depressed Emo girl who thinks this is sexy

Your Grandma on Facebook [facebook is no place is for grandmas]

**Note, I dont actually know these people, but the above pictures are fair and accurate representations of what I have encountered on the book.

Now I am sorry to be blunt, but if you have posted such picture of yourself on Facebook, and we are friends, I have likely removed you from my newsfeed. These pictures are just creepy.

Wild Women

This video was sent to me by a special guy who can appreciate my sense of humor and love of random youtube videos. However as a disclaimer, this is also uncomfortable entertainment.

As a matter of social justice, this man should be arrested for his terrible choice in swimgear and dance moves.



I am addicted to (insert here)

While flipping through channels a few nights ago, I came across another show that might make me as physically uncomfortable as I get when watching the desperate antics of the "contestants" on The Bachelor. For uncomfortable entertainment please tune into TLC's My Strange Addiction.

Now let me preface this post with: Addiction to ANYTHING is a big a deal, and I am not trying to be insensitve to people getting help. I encourage people getting help on whatever they might be addicted to.

I personally am addicted to real crime news documentaries (i.e. dateline, 48 hours mystery, forensic files), classic Beverly Hills 90210, and Chicken McNuggets.

I could only watch a few moments of this show (for my own physical comfort reasons) but I guess I was ignorant in that I assumed addictions included things like drugs, sex, and rock and roll. Apparently not. I'll once again say that I am very glad these people are getting help.

However, these people's addictions have included the following.

Eating Toilet Paper

Eating Household Cleaner

Sleeping with your blow dryer

Addicted to being a ventriloquist

All images via http://www.tlc.discovery.com/

I'll say it again, I am glad these people are getting help, but how do you become addicted to eating household cleaner? While putting your make up on, do you look down and find the toilet paper looks like a big plate of cheese fries? Where does the sensation come to curl up with a good book, a blanket and your hair dryer? Whoever thought of this show might be genius, but I'll say it once more, I am glad these people are getting help. Until then Ill work on cutting out crime shows and chicken mcnugs.